My friend M. used to tell me with a smile in the corner of her beautiful lips as soon as I settled in the Netherlands “let me know when you start having a hard time, or when you shall miss our home country or when you simply got tired of this Dutch”. Sometimes it is! Although it’s not a real longing for my birth country. In fact, I miss going out having coffee with my friends, being able to leave my lovely daughter with my mom at any time, without checking her agenda for the first free day of the coming week.Or I would go to a wedding, a truly Romanian wedding with beautiful gowns and suits, with live music and dance till the sunrise, with our delicious sarmale and home-made wine. I think I will call my brother and inform him of the last decision made: he must get married so I can dance at a wedding!

I want to go to a wedding and enjoy the night, the happy couple, the beautifully dressed guests, and at my brother’s wedding, I am convinced that it will be just like that! Speaking of weddings, better said about my beautiful dresses and glittering shoes, I guess I can give it all away. In the Netherlands, evening dresses don’t help much, first of all, because Dutch weddings are more like a simple birthday party, and people dress so casually at such events that I would be from completely another planet dressed in a gown.

When my niece turned 13, we were invited to her birthday party (the first one in the Netherlands)! Obviously, there is no extended dinner like we are used to, and if you are the type who goes to parties thinking that you will eat pretty well, you better plan a visit to a restaurant or your own refrigerator first 🙂 Dutch parties involve sitting around in a circle all afternoon and chatting while drinking tea or coffee and eating cake. Because of this they have become known as Dutch circle parties among a lot of people. When arriving at a Dutch circle party you will be expected to greet everyone, not just the birthday person. You’ll have to take a tour around the circle, greeting each person individually, with a handshake or three cheek kisses (Dutch rule), depending on the situation. At this point, you must know that Gefeliciteerd they tell, is not their name, but they are in fact wishing you congratulations. You are expected to congratulate them in return. It goes like that:

Person number one sitting on the first chair: Gefeliciteerd.
Me confused: Mihaela! Long name you have! Oh is that not your name?

Anything that resembles a chair or a sofa will have been dragged from every other room in the house (or the neighbor’s house) to form a circle. Then, once you have found a chair and took your sit to the reunion, the party I mean, you will be offered a coffee and some cake, for sure apletaart is in the picture. Well, happy to have dessert first for once in my life! Because the conversation will get chaotically from what the Dutch prime-minister said to the weather complaining, all in Dutch of course, you will feel most of the time unintentionally ignored. But do not worry, you will not have to suffer for long. At this point, you will be offered a beer and broodje knakworst (a hotdog in a bun) and chippies (a cute word for crisps). After some kaas blokjes, the host or hostess will politely remind their guests it is time to leave by cleaning up around them.

If you are becoming 50, it shall be even more … fun! Apparently, it means you are old enough and wise enough to have seen Abraham (if you’re a man)  or old enough to have seen Sarah ( if you’re a woman). Believe me, your whole street will know about it! The names come from the biblical figures, Abraham and his wife Sarah. According to the bible, Abraham lived until he was 175 and Sarah until she was 127.  There is a big chance that your colleagues will arrange a man doll at work and colored balloons. You also get a big cake.  Or if you’re passing 60, 70, 80… they’re all celebrated. Along with 1/2 Abraham or Sarah for when you’re 25!! Then you get half a cake. Gezzelig, huh?

25 Half Abraham (or Sara / Sarah)
50 Abraham (or Sara / Sarah)
60 Isaac / Isaak (or Elisabeth / Elizabeth / Rebekka / Rebecca)
70 Jacob  (or Anna / Rachel / Lea)
80 Joseph (or Deborah / Asenath)
90 Anthony / Antonius / Efraïm (or Ruth)
100 Methusalem (or Judith)

Well, how about tying the knot in the Netherlands? I have some very useful information! Many Dutch people get married during the weekdays. For example, if you get married at the civil registry office on Monday morning, between 9.00 and 12.00, it is free of charge. Zero euro, nix, nada, nimic! However, if you wanna get married on Monday after 12.00 a.m. or from Tuesday to Friday, you will have to take out of your pockets between 271,40 and 389,80 euro. The closer you get to the weekend the more interesting it gets: 1129,90 euro to say I do and kiss the bride on Saturday!

I’m worried about  a couple of things:

– how did they calculate those taxes to reach the twohundredseventy1, 40, or onethousandonehundredtwenty9,90? Why not 270point or 1100point?!

– I think you really really wanna get married if you decide to pay a thousand euros just to share the same name on a piece of paper;)

-now I understand why there are many couples in the Netherlands who live together but are not married 🙂

-what do you do if you are a professional bride or groom and you get married about three times? It’s like spending money on a second-hand car, isn’t it? I still don’t know how about divorces, but I shall be investigating 🙂

The tradition of a best man is not common within a marriage in the Netherlands. At least not as we know the best man from Hollywood movies. The best man is best compared to the Dutch ceremoniemeester, kind of the free-wedding-planner-friend.  A long term tradition in Holland has been to hand out bridal sugar to the wedding guests. At the end of the night, there used to be little pouches with exactly five pieces of sugar-coated almonds. The five sweets represented happiness, love, fidelity, prosperity, and fertility. So if you want to gift your guests something typically Dutch to thank them for attending your wedding, you could think about going the coated almond way.  After 180 years of having the same common law rules, in 2018 the Dutch government deemed it time to modernize the rules. For almost two centuries, it was standard to combine both sets of assets, the bride and the groom’s, from the day of the wedding onwards. In case of a divorce, the estate was to be split 50/50, unless the husband and wife had prenuptial agreements. Now, the husband and wife will keep all their own assets in case the marriage fails. You do however have to prove what is yours so it is advised to see a notary before the big day and keep a record of certain big purchases or gifts throughout the marriage.

Most weddings in the Netherlands tend to be pretty simple affairs compared to the extravagance of my own home country, so going really crazy with ice sculptures and acrobats will probably raise some eyebrows from your Dutch guests. Wedding photographers can be very expensive here as well, however, some of them can be quite flexible as far as the prices go depending on the number of hours worked. Check Naomi van der Kraan if you wanna have amazing wedding photos! I am in love with her photography! One step aside – Naomi is also doing intimate photography if you are interested in some beautiful bride photos to surprise your groom! Check her out here.

Surprisingly there are not so many sayings involving marriage in Dutch, but there are a few: Trouwen is houwen (once you are married you are, or should be, with that person for life). If a Dutch person tells you Zo zijn we niet getrouwd he means that was not the deal. Van bruiloft komt bruiloft means that one wedding usually augurs another. A famous Dutch joke is that there is only one word that rhymes with huwelijk (marriage) – afschuwelijk (horrendous).

Love & Monday marriage, y’all!