“Pretty young, but not so young, lady, divorced for several years out of her own free will, looking for a sleeping partner, preferably lightly  snoring (to match my own snoring), who can bear my night fears. Those who know how to make coffee first thing in the morning get first in line.”

Do you know where the ad came from? Well, I shall explain!
For a few nights, I wake up at 4.30 a.m., plus minus five minutes, every night. I’m like a clock without a cuckoo. It happened before, but not nightly. I’m like a baby waking up at 6.30 sharp, waiting for the bottle of milk. The fact that I wake up at 4.30 after I went to bed at 1 at night would not be a problem, but I wake up terribly scared, with the strange feeling that something bad is going to happen. Moreover, it takes about an hour to fall asleep again. An hour of fear and dark thoughts.

Looking for a pertinent explanation, I discussed the issue with my girlfriend, who is as damaged as I am. What could be the reason for this bizarre behavior?

1. I saw a horror movie the night before. But I actually didn’t, so nope, not this one!

2. I dreamed of thieves, earthquakes, etc. This really happened to me a few nights ago, when I got out of bed, closed all the windows, checked the door again and slept with the air conditioning on and woke up the bionic woman 🙂

3. I dreamed of an ex-boyfriend. It didn’t happen, though, but if it did, I wouldn’t be scared, I’d be amused.

4. The unknown scares me. Now it depends on whether the unknown has blue or green, black, red, or orange eyes.

5. My daughter is to camp and the house is empty. If I really think deep about it, this would be a good reason.

6. My subconscious is playing with me. This is my friend’s explanation (I told you she is damaged).

Trying to find the explanation for my neurosis, I realized that the life of a single woman is very beautiful, but a sleeping colleague is completely missing.

I decided to give up my sleeping diagonally, taking control over the whole bed, and offer half the bed, for night safety. I promise I shall sleep upside down (Liberty, sometimes even Cherish, according to the photo above) and to share the bottle of water standing next to the bed, after presenting the up-to-date blood analysis report. If possible, someone whose panties and socks would be his own washing responsibility, preferably to cook by himself (or to settle for salad, ice cream and coffee), never to ask “where  are you going” and “where are you coming from”, to leave the toilet seat down and go out with his friends for a beer when I go out for a coffee with my friends 🙂

Is it too much to ask? Basically, to come home only when it’s bedtime (maybe an hour before for a movie) and possibly leave early in the morning after making coffee.

Guys?

PS  In winter I have cold feet, and as a child I did not take my feet out from under the blanket fearing  the wolves who all they want is to eat children’s feet 🙂

*This text is a pamphlet. To be treated as such 😉