I’ve Had a Brilliant Idea (No, Really!) – I’m Becoming a Witch. A Real One. With Toad Legs and All.

This morning, I woke up with an idea that can only be described as pure genius. Drumroll, please… I’m moving back to my homeland and starting a business! Yes, a real one. I’m absolutely, irrevocably, broomstick-flyingly determined.

Look, wherever you turn, there’s at least one poor soul with a love crisis, a few others swimming in financial troubles, and the rest wandering around with all sorts of bad juju. So I thought, why not solve it all… magically? That’s right. I’m becoming a full-time witch.

Not just any witch, mind you. I’m talking serious business here: frog legs, ox eyes, enchanted leaves, maybe a dash of moonlight and a pinch of neighbor gossip for flavor. You’ll see, the money will start pouring in faster than you can say abracadabra.

Here’s what I already have in my magic inventory:

️ The “Bad Hour Banisher” – featuring the legendary Cat No. 13

Evil hour with a bang
Evil hour with a fang
Evil hour full of fright
Evil hour born at night
Evil hour at mid-dark
Evil hour with no spark
Go now to the mountains deep
Where your castles lie asleep
Feast there, toast there, never roam
Stay far from [Insert Name Here]’s home.

Boom. Just like that, I’ve saved someone from a nasty streak of misfortune — and I didn’t even use the cuckoo clock charm yet. Imagine the potential.

The “Wealthy Thursday Ritual”

This one’s exclusive to Thursdays. You’ll need holy water, incense, green candles (yes, green — color psychology is real, people), and an enthusiastic AUUMMM. After that? Oh, baby, it’ll rain coins. Might want to keep an umbrella handy, just in case.

❤️ The “Lumpy-Love Incantation” (Perfect for Those Romantic Bumps)

Ingredients: honey, salt, a fireplace poker, and a very solemn expression. Then I begin:

You big salt/You sweet honey
I ignite you/I delight you
As I light this flame,
May his heart do the same
May he burn/May he yearn
For my smile, for my form
Let no peace in him be born
No food to please
No sleep with ease
‘Til he comes crawling back to me.

Yes, I know — it’s a bit intense. Poor guy. All that torment just because a slightly loopy lady decided she wants him back. But hey — desperate times call for desperate magic, and rent doesn’t pay itself.

Plus, if the girl’s really in love, who am I to stand in Cupid’s crooked little way?

☔ And of course — “Rain on Demand”

At 40°C in Bucharest, I already see the orders flooding in. My bestseller-to-be:

Wet Paparuda, come and play
Shower us without delay
Buckets, barrels, streams that pour
Flood the village, soak the floor
Let the corn and grains grow tall
Let the rain come down on all.

No joke — I barely whispered the spell and bam! Rain started falling in Bucharest. Admit it, I’ve got some serious skills.

Still working on spells for reconciliation, the evil eye, and summoning one’s soulmate. For those, I need to go hunt down some proper frog legs — fresh, not frozen.

Mark my words, I’ll make a name for myself in no time. Fame, fortune, and a fabulous hat await.

Alright, gotta dash — I need to prep my crooked nose (with an impressively dramatic wart), and since I’m soon to be MihaWitch, I’ll be needing a broomstick worthy of the title. Preferably 4×4, 200-bristle horsepower, maybe something with GPS incorporated. I’ve got standards.

And hey — if you ever want a custom spell, be it for love, heartbreak, or something odd you dreamt up after too much cheese, I’ll give you a friendship discount. Long live witchcraft! ✨