I have recently tried a relaxation program: BodyBalance – a mix of yoga and tai-chi. Yes, I can already hear you asking “ what even is tai-chi” 🙂 Don’t worry, I just googled it too. Turns out tai-chi is a martial art that’s supposed to revitalize you, calm your mind (God, do I need that part), and improve your blood circulation (which sounds great because mine’s all over the place—I mean, I live with permanently cold feet).

So there I was, in this zen-like yoga studio, trying to twist my body into all sorts of questionable positions, while the trainer whispered things like:
“Free your mind… Empty your soul… Let your thoughts drift away…”

Meanwhile my internal monologue was in full bloom:

“Right. Empty the mind. How do you even do that?? Okay, thoughts, please exit stage left. Find a new host. Or just take the day off, really.
Am I thought-free now?
Oh crap—the laundry! I left it outside, and the forecast said rain!
Come on, woman, focus. Free your mind. Be mindful. Be… free.
This pose hurts. This pose seriously hurts.
Can’t wait for the holiday. I’ll have coffee with the girls, then maybe hit that book sale…
Oh yes! The books! So many books!
Wait, what? Yes, yes, I’m trying to free my mind, don’t you see I’m trying?!
My brain is just stubborn, okay? It hoards thoughts like a squirrel on caffeine. How did V. teach me to cope? Oh yes—I’m a waterfall. I’m a whole freakin’ waterfall.
Wait. A waterfall? That’s not relaxing—I can’t swim.
And now I need to pee.
What time is it? I have to pick up my kid soon.
Also… is it just me or does the trainer look amazing?
Maybe I should just leave this class quietly and rethink my life.”

Spoiler alert: I am not a yoga person. My mind doesn’t want to relax. It refuses to be emptied. It’s like, “No thanks, I’m keeping everything.” Good thoughts, bad thoughts, even the weird ones. All mine. No clearance sale here. Selfish mind!

So yeah, yoga? Not for me.
Tai-chi? Sounds like something you’d order at a takeout place.
And peace? I guess I’ll dance my way to it, because I read somewhere that dancing in the forest can be super healing. So, hey, I might give that a try. No more yoga actions. I am too restless for tai-chi, and anyway, doesn’t tai-chi sound like Chinese food?

PS: The trainer was a she—gorgeous and graceful and clearly at peace.
PS (some years later): Funny how time changes you. I’m 42 now, and guess what? I love yoga. I actually crave the stillness, the breathwork, the focus. Maybe peace finds you when you’re finally ready to sit with it.